I was having a self-guided Internal Family Systems healing session earlier today, and one of my little child parts expressed shame at "being broken".

A lot of my inner work recently has been around acknowledging just how bad things were at various times of my life, and how much I'd been forced to minimise things—both during and after—in order to survive.

This, of course, resulted in a lot of wounds and scars, and my part was expressing shame around this.

I picked her up and placed her on my lap [1] and said, "Well, think of it this way. If someone picks up a pot, and hurls it to the floor, the pot will break into pieces, right?"

She nods.

"Well, in that case, are you going to blame the pot for being broken?"

That made her think. I paused to give her time for it to sink in, then added, "You're not going to shame the pot for being broken, right?"

"No," she said, with a growing clarity and determination spreading across her face.

I smiled. "Kintsugi. That's what we're aiming for. It's alright to be broken. We're just going to repair the cracks with love and care."

A new wholeness, one that honours the history of where we come from, neither shaming nor glorifying the causes nor the impacts.

—

[1]: I already have an established relationship with this part, and thus I'm able to initiate such physical contact with her easily. If you're new to a part, I recommend being more cautious, and seeking consent before initiating any contact, especially if there is physical and/or violating types of abuse in your past.