"I'm nothing like you."

At first glance, that sounds belligerent, maybe even petty or childish.

Yet, when healing trauma, we need to acknowledge that, yes, some of the emotions we will feel do come from unhealed child parts [1] in ourselves and that, yes, they do often hold intense amounts of rage.

Children are amazing. Not that I'll ever want or have any. However, I deeply respect and admire their propensity for saying it as it is.

And that's the power child parts offer us if we refuse to censor, ignore or deny their existence.

I was amazed when I heard that said loud and clear within me yesterday, for I intuitively and somatically sensed the power in that statement. It was not directed at me: It was directed at the voice of my inner critic [2], whom, I only realised at that moment, was modelled after traumatic experiences from people who were nothing like me.

Today, it is apparent to me that I grew up around people who either did not have a single neuro+somato+socio divergent cell in their body or who were so deep in their masking that they would not (then or now) ever admit it to themselves out of the now ingrained need for survival.

Hence, their entire reality was modelled after only what was deemed acceptable, and in carrying on the oppressive lineage that spawned their traumas, they proceeded to levy the same onto me as a child.

Over decades, their words sunk in: I am wrong. I'm wrong to think this way. I'm wrong to feel this way. And above all, I'm wrong if I dare express any of this, in private or public. No one wants to know. No one wants to hear. It's my problem. Keep it secret. Stop burdening others with your weird problems, your weird thoughts, your weird feelings.

And yesterday, for the first time in a long time, my child part fought back in the way I've come to know and love from them: Succinct and direct. My child parts cut to the chase; they don't mince their words. I love them to bits. ❤️

The other beautiful thing about working with the wisdom of our child parts is that they can convey so much with so little.

In that single sentence, I understood that:

• If I'm nothing like them, their judgements of me don't apply. Their appraisal of reality is not pan-applicable. Why should I take their word for it? That the only way to be "healthy" or "normal" is to delegitimise my own experience and shred my selfhood and authenticity to bits?

• If their judgements don't apply, then I do have the right to take up space with my experience. If we are different, why am I the only one bending myself into pretzels to make the relationships work by keeping them comfortable only? Who's keeping me comfortable? Why is there no reciprocity?

• Just because complexity, intensity, depth and breadth are rare doesn't make them wrong. Boundaries in relationships are co-created; it isn't about only one person's comfort; it is about negotiating a way for both/all parties to meet their needs within reasonable limits.* And in public space? They have the freedom to walk away. That doesn't make me wrong [3]. They have the space for their reality. I have the space for mine.

"I'm nothing like you, and you know what? I judge your judgements as lacking curiosity, compassion and care for others who may be different from you. I want to be nothing like you."

Yeah, my little child parts are cheering right now. 🤣

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[1]: See Internal Family Systems. [2]: See Chapter 9: Shrinking The Inner Critic of Pete Walker's book, Complex PTSD. [3]: Heck, it still bloody hurts, though! But that's a different issue.